No eye has seen

The hardest about trust is when it's the hardest to trust.

Who and how we perceive Him to be, affects our understanding of Him and hence, the way we see things around me, through situations and circumstances.

I know He is a good God. Almighty yet full of compassion. How great is that awesome revelation that we serve and worship the God who loves us.

Yet, how does this truth translate into a reality for me? Do I trust that He sees and knows my beginning and end? If so, why do I struggle? What is holding me back?

No eye has seen,
No ear has heard,
No mind has conceived
What the Lord has prepared
for those who love Him.

I'm in a dilemma, confused and my heart weighs heavy within.

What should I do? Can I trust You wholeheartedly, knowing with conviction that Your plans are far greater, Your thoughts and ways are higher than mine?

Would I be ok to take 'No' for an answer, to lay down before You my 'Isaac' in life, and come in brokenness and humbleness to You? Would You fill me up and bring me another step closer to what You have purposed?

That I may know You, and love You all the days of my life.

What distinguishes a car from another? What makes one of a greater value than the other?

Is it the colour? Or is it the design, shape of the car? But if that were so, then a normal Japanese car could paint a dark blue and built into the shape like a Mercedes to be a Mercedes.

But we know iit is not so. They each have their own value. Yet, what sets the Mercedes apart from a regular car?

It is the inside. It's the gears, the insides of a car that is experienced by those in its ride, as well as the ease of use, that give its value.

Likewise, the essence of who we are that gives value is not found on the outside that can be easily copied or replicated by others, eg. dressing, make-up, shapy figure. What's on the inside counts and is that which brings the most honest, pleasing sacrifice to Him.

In Him, we are complete

Just had my 1st university exam. Not sure if I were more excited or awake in my brain, I could think faster, do quicker and finish the paper hands down. Sounds like a big, fat boast huh?

Well, that's what I hope to feel at the end of my papers- to have that satisfied, I've-given-it-all sense of accomplishment. But, it was far from it. Today felt like this: Hey, it's grasshopper, nay, no big deal...as minutes ticked by, gosh, this grasshopper is so hard to catch...Oh, look I've got it! But no! it jumped free again..off it goes, again.

The chase and catch continued until it was gone. Never to come back again.

As much as I want to take it easy, not wanting to let pressure and that crippling fear get the better of me, I don't want my attitude to become that of indifference.

It's a battle continuation from my heart's issues. Then was revealed through events, now it's exams. Where do I anchor myself to? In whom do I trust, in face of pressure, stress, weakness where my instinct is to 'run away' and 'hide' from them?

Where do I go, whom do I turn to, when I'm coming face to face with my struggles, fears and weakness? How do you react when insecurity is standing like a giant before you? What would you do when you are at a loss as to what to do next?

It's easy to talk about the god stuff, like as though I'm some wise man with such deep and rich experiences...but what does it mean to me, just where I'm at? I'm only on this journey, just this far for now...I want to grow, and am excited about it. But where should I begin when placed in such an awesome role of shepherding the flock under my care? Feels like I have to think more than about where I am, to a level where those in need are at and to a level, concurrently, of a higher plane where I have not experienced yet..perhaps at best, to think and imagine the what-if situations.

Sometimes, if not often, the line gets blurred and one would think that's where one's at. But the reality check comes in to tear down this prideful facade through situations or events of imperfection to reveal the heart.

It is painfully humbling to first come to terms with 'that's just where I am, not there yet.' But there's this incomprehensible yet assuring comfort that it is in Him that I am complete.

Shall leave with this thought:

As I wanted to end with the thought that if we no longer have talents or outstanding qualities like in the area of leadership, or ministry in church to serve, I was caught in my own words. My point was that if without these, would we be any less to God? Or would we see ourselves as any less to Him?

The talents I thought of was that which can be seen and heard. Though I know there are talents of other kinds like putting things together in a flow etc, it did not struck me till I typed 'if we have no talents...' What is seen may receive the praises of Man, but what goes unnoticed does not go out of God's sight. Rather the mustard seed that houses God's creations of many kinds, than a firework that explodes beautifully for a moment but soon fizzles off into nothing.

In Him, we are complete

Just had my 1st university exam. Not sure if I were more excited or awake in my brain, I could think faster, do quicker and finish the paper hands down. Sounds like a big, fat boast huh?

Well, that's what I hope to feel at the end of my papers- to have that satisfied, I've-given-it-all sense of accomplishment. But, it was far from it. Today felt like this: Hey, it's grasshopper, nay, no big deal...as minutes ticked by, gosh, this grasshopper is so hard to catch...Oh, look I've got it! But no! it jumped free again..off it goes, again.

The chase and catch continued until it was gone. Never to come back again.

As much as I want to take it easy, not wanting to let pressure and that crippling fear get the better of me, I don't want my attitude to become that of indifference.

It's a battle continuation from my heart's issues. Then was revealed through events, now it's exams. Where do I anchor myself to? In whom do I trust, in face of pressure, stress, weakness where my instinct is to 'run away' and 'hide' from them?

Where do I go, whom do I turn to, when I'm coming face to face with my struggles, fears and weakness? How do you react when insecurity is standing like a giant before you? What would you do when you are at a loss as to what to do next?

It's easy to talk about the god stuff, like as though I'm some wise man with such deep and rich experiences...but what does it mean to me, just where I'm at? I'm only on this journey, just this far for now...I want to grow, and am excited about it. But where should I begin when placed in such an awesome role of shepherding the flock under my care? Feels like I have to think more than about where I am, to a level where those in need are at and to a level, concurrently, of a higher plane where I have not experienced yet..perhaps at best, to think and imagine the what-if situations.

Sometimes, if not often, the line gets blurred and one would think that's where one's at. But the reality check comes in to tear down this prideful facade through situations or events of imperfection to reveal the heart.

It is painfully humbling to first come to terms that that's just that where I am, not yet, and to then find comfort that it is in Him that I am complete.

Shall leave with this thought:

As I wanted to end with the thought that if we no longer have talents or outstanding qualities like in the area of leadership, or ministry in church to serve, I was caught in my own words. My point was that if without these, would we be any less to God? Or would we see ourselves as any less to Him?

The talents I thought of was that which can be seen and heard. Though I know there are talents of other kinds like putting things together in a flow etc, it did not struck me till I typed 'if we have no talents...' What is seen may receive the praises of Man, but what goes unnoticed does not goes out of God's sight. Rather the mustard seed that houses God's creations of many kinds, than a firework that explodes beautifully for a moment but soon fizzles off into nothing.

Haphazardly intentional in life

Ever wondered why a dog can be so random to find any tree, bin, bush or lamp-post to go about with its *ahem* business?

As I walked the streets, and mrt stations, a thought came to me- What keeps people moving?

I looked at my watch, and perhaps it would be the answer- for the working people, what keeps them moving, at such pace or hurry, is to be home, wherever or how ever he/she defines.

For me? I guess I would just continue walking to reach my next unknown destination.

On a reflective note, how should I describe my journey? Can't think of one creative way to sum it all up, nor one to fully capture the essence, struggles, dilemma, hope and passion.

It's one that cuts across all aspects of my life, and calls to realign my life to what God wants to do in me, through my life and with me. But the question is what exactly is it that He wants to do with me in the equation?

Talk faith? Yea, but deep down I know I can't comprehend and fully relate when sometimes, it seems out of sight or somewhat out of reach...as though all these are empty thoughts, some blabber and noise from my own trumpet.
But can He fulfil His purpose in what He has created me to be, installed for me and to do His will? Yes, I believe. When? I believed it has started already, and more to come.

Listening to people who have been through their struggle of hearing God, and responding to their call, makes me think of my own life. Perhaps I am a dreamer, an idealist...but I have a dream...Like all children dream of becoming someone bigger, say a superhero with special powers, I have my own dreams too. Yet, is that possible? Is that what I am cut out to do? Is that what I would find fulfilment and purpose in what I do? Can I give my all for it? Or is it just a teenage dream, which would fizzle out in no time, only to wake me up to a hard reality of being realistic, practical, down-to-earth, logical, systematic as any one on the busy streets of the CBD would be caught in?

Why work dominates rather than work serves? Serves what- to make me grow, to make me learn, to make me overcome the pressures and demands of work so that I can stand up under it, not the other way round.

So, what am I passionate about? To pinpoint one thing, I can't. It makes me feel like I have nothing I like, nothing I am passionate about, nothing I crave, nothing I can do well in, nothing I can pursue, nothing to talk about. Nothing. I just love the sound of music. Simple as that. What talent is it in that, I don't know.
But, it's amazing how the black keys on piano/ keyboard can give such rich tones to a piece that is more than just the airy-fairy light-hearted notes. Music has 8 notes, and how they are played tells a different story. Music captivates hearts, it moves nations to a cause, it speaks of freedom- to express how it would best carry.

If this were an interview, it would be too random in thoughts for the readers.

Like the dog that goes about haphazardly to find its ideal spot, it goes with intent. Intentionally Haphazard? Well maybe this would fit better- haphazardly intentional in life.

God is our Friend, and in Him I can rest secured

Today at Jordanites, we learnt that God is our Friend. And the stronger the Friendship, we can be more secured in who we are in a relationship with others. Example was Apostle Paul. In 2 Tim 4, it records his personal remarks to the church and to his friends.

In his journey, there were friends who deserted him, disappointed him and the list goes go. But in the midst of his loss and loneliness, he found the Friend in God- the One by his side, with him and who strengthened him.

There's a song -What a friend we have in Jesus. How lovely, how assuring, how comforting, how we can ever be grateful for knowing a Friend like Jesus. He shuns not from the outcast, rejected and brokenhearted, instead He is among them. The God who seeks no glory from paper praises or glitzy puff worship.


A broken heart and contrite heart that allows the Healer, the Father of compassion to come and make us whole. We can never outgive Him, but would always be unworthy recipients who receive by His grace.

God is our Friend, and in Him I can rest secured

Today at Jordanites, we learnt that God is our Friend. And the stronger the Friendship, we can be more secured in who we are in a relationship with others. Example was Apostle Paul. In 2 Tim 4, it records his personal remarks to the church and to his friends.

In his journey, there were friends who deserted him, disappointed him and the list goes go. But in the midst of his loss and loneliness, he found the Friend in God- the One by his side, with him and who strengthened him.

There's a song -What a friend we have in Jesus. How lovely, how assuring, how comforting, how we can ever be grateful for knowing a Friend like Jesus. He shuns not from the outcast, rejected nd brokenhearted, instead He is among them. The God who seeks no glory from paper praises or glitzy puff worship.


A broken heart and contrite heart that allows the Healer, the Father of compassion to come and make us whole. We can never outgive Him, but would aways be unworthy recipients who receive by His grace.

Not being in church physically has allowed me to go on disconnected. In a real sense, I did what my daily routine required of me, circling about my weekly school timetable. The past week had been 'test-driven' and what sounded the loudest was how much more I needed to catch up with my piling tutorials, revision and readings that now seem like a mouthful to digest.

Coming to church, more than just a physical act or religious piety, today has made me realise a few things :

1. My friends' needs, eg. their tiredness but still hanging on;

2. How much there is to pray about and for;

3. How my life has been so caught up with doing, meeting my expectations about school, trying to go for many different activities that I wonder where and when can I find time to take breather, slow down and be still.

It's not about doing, but finding rest in God through all that I do. It's like a concept but it would be like oxygen to my breathless soul, water to my quench within.

Help me to find my rest in You. You are the Prince of peace, my tower of refuge.

You are the hope that leads me on

To live unselfishly. That's something I struggle and work towards.

I'm encouraged to know that if I work at it in my own strength only, it will fail, whereas by God's grace, I can continue from where I have fallen.

This week we heard that knowing the truth sets us free and His truth is absolute. This sense of peace fills me, satuarates my being, to be able to unclench my fist into one that surrenders to, and wants from, the Father of all good gifts from above.

As I was on my way to sch earlier this morning, a thought struck me. Perhaps this love is about giving another the space to grow. Just like thete are many questions with no answers, that's when we need faith- for without faith, it is impossible to please Him. Does it mean that I'll no longer be affected or immune to feelings? I don't know, and like Billy Graham who faced his turning point dilemma, may it be Your truth that prevails and sets me free to know and love you with all of my heart and soul. Though I do not understand, I know You are with me and my life, my future is in Your hands. You are the Maker, the potter, and I am the clay. Help me to remember and live to know that You are my ultimate Master. To whom can I go? I want to be found in Your Presence, abiding in You as You live in me.

My soul rejoices because of You. In You I find joy and salvation. Rejoice in the Lord, again I say, rejoice, oh my soul!

Praise be to God forever and ever. Amen.

Hallelujah